…in the punchbowl

2006.07.11

Raising Boys

Filed under: boys, Humor, kids, punchbowl — Matt @ 7:54

From an email my wife forwarded to me:

  1. A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq. ft. house 4 inches deep.
  2. If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller blades, they can ignite.
  3. A 3-year old Boy’s voice is louder than 2 00 adults in a crowded restaurant.
  4. If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42 pound Boy wearing Batman underwear and a Superman cape. It is strong enough, however, if tied to a paint can, to spread paint on all four walls of a 20×20 ft. room.
  5. You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on. When using a ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up a few times before you get a hit. A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way.
  6. The glass in windows (even double-pane) doesn’t stop a baseball hit by a ceiling fan.
  7. When you hear the toilet flush and the words “uh oh”, it’s already too late.
  8. Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it.
  9. A six-year old Boy can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 36-year old Man says they can only do it in the movies.
  10. Certain Lego’s will pass through the digestive tract of a 4-year old Boy.
  11. Play dough and microwave should not be used in the same sentence.
  12. Super glue is forever.
  13. No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool you still can’t walk on water.
  14. Pool filters do not like Jell-O.
  15. VCR’s do not eject “PB & J” sandwiches even though TV commercials show they do.
  16. Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.
  17. Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving.
  18. You probably DO NOT want to know what that odor is.
  19. Always look in the oven before you turn it on; plastic toys do not like ovens.
  20. The fire department in Austin, TX has a 5-minute response time.
  21. The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earthworms dizzy.
  22. It will, however, make cats dizzy.
  23. Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.
  24. 80% of Women will pass this on to almost all of their friends, with or witho ut kids.
  25. 80% of Men who read this will try mixing the Clorox and brake fluid.
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7 Comments »

  1. …as late as last month, I’ve been guilty of throwing things into ceiling fans…

    Comment by david — 2006.07.11 @ 11:27

  2. Oh sure. We all have. I must admit I’ve not yet attempted a baseball, though.

    Comment by Matt — 2006.07.11 @ 14:46

  3. How do you guys think to do shit like that? (giggling wildly)

    Comment by Erica — 2006.07.12 @ 7:41

  4. Part of it has to do with my unwillingness to go any further than General Physics. For some reason I was not inspired in high school…..hmmmmm. But I still want to ‘see what will happen’ as it were. That, and the price of fixing and cleaning walls and windows is always less than the ‘that was fucking awesome’ rush when experiencing such events.

    Comment by david — 2006.07.12 @ 10:06

  5. The formula for determining the probability a person will try something is:

    P = (TCS)/I

    Where:

    T = the thing to be attempted
    C = the person’s level of curiosity
    S = the person’s need for stimuli
    I = the person’s level of inhibition

    Take an ADDer, with high levels of C & S and low levels of I, and chances are you’ll see some interesting things.

    Comment by Matt — 2006.07.12 @ 13:27

  6. One might add varying amounts of inebriating substances into this equasion somewhere (from personal experiences in my mid-twenties~I’ve grown up a little since then).

    Comment by david — 2006.07.13 @ 10:10

  7. I believe that factors in as part of I.

    Comment by Matt — 2006.07.13 @ 11:24


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